So, you’ve got a past. Dirty laundry. Unsavory moments. Things that make you uneasy. Moments that belong in the vault.
Take a deep, healing, restorative breath in and out – because most people do.
You’ve been dating 6+ months now. Things are moving in a favorable direction – solid, stable, surreal. Now you wonder, as part of the natural progression, shouldn’t you share some details about your past? Discuss your emotional scars? Divulge something personal you deeply regret? Launch in “guns a-blazing” with tales of woe?
Doesn’t my partner deserve the truth? Isn’t it better they hear it from me?
This is the most refreshing, emotionally healthy romantic relationship ever experienced and you don’t want to screw things up. Saying nothing seems risky, but so does saying too much. What do I do? Isn’t there some kind of unspoken rule?
Nope, not really, so here’s the deal.
Timing. Gravity. Discernment. These three concepts should be considered.
So here’s a few words on “Timing.”
Look, if you’re felon, there’s never a good time to share this – so you may as well get it over with ASAP.
Now, on to the concept of “Gravity.”
If you’ve done something that will have a profound negative impact on your partner’s life or livelihood – and you plan to spend eternity together – better just get it out in the open. Here it’s about the seriousness or gravity of your actions in regard to your new partner/partnership.
Apart from these two instances, zip it.
Ok, now on to “Discernment.”
As time goes on and you become closer with your partner, you can decide what you want to disclose and why or how you think it would be helpful in the development of this new relationship. Because if what you are sharing has no relevance to your current partnership, why share it at all?
If you are worried about what your partner might think if they knew something personal about you, focus on your own healing journey and give yourself permission to let go of the painful past. Those less inspired moments from your past may be a part of your story, but they certainly don’t define you and in reality, they aren’t anyone’s business but your own.
You’re not on trial here and chances are no one will be harder on you than you are on yourself.
Remember these two words – self-love and self-forgiveness. That’s right. Now take another deep, healing, restorative breath in and out. You’re a good person and all of your focus should be on bringing the highest and best version of you into this new and promising relationship.
Ok – so you’ve passed the 6-month mark with your partner, and you want to tell your partner something personal that negatively impacts you in some way – something that triggers you. That’s your choice. It’s always your choice, but here’s where your own good judgment and discernment comes in. Do you trust this person enough? Have they earned a space in your close inner circle? Would they be discrete and sensitive to you if you had a conflict? Or if things between you didn’t work out? If you can’t answer these questions with a certain degree of confidence, you may wish to reconsider.
Why not just allow your romance to unfold organically, blissfully – minus the unelicited drama?
If your partner has questions that make you uncomfortable, ask them why it’s important to them to know. It may very well represent something within themselves that is unhealed.
Would you like help processing past emotional trauma? Schedule a free consultation here: Sensorium Hypnosis, LLC (timetap.com)
Can hypnosis heal a broken heart? Click here to learn more: Can Hypnosis Heal a Broken Heart? – Sensorium Hypnosis, LLC
For free educational videos and spiritual mind meditations, subscribe to my channel on YouTube here: Amy the Hypnotist – Trauma & Relationship Expert – YouTube
- Why Having Too Much Anger or Too Little is Bad for Your Health - November 25, 2023
- 5 Essential Techniques for Quieting the Trauma Response Pattern - November 7, 2023
- 7 Tips to Tackle Negative Self-Talk - May 1, 2023