What is the force that fuels the cheating? Boredom? Repressed anger or resentment? Arrested development or an attempt to recapture the magic and freedom of youth? Rebellion against the heavy responsibilities of adulthood? A fear of commitment or (ironically) abandonment?
The belief that ultimately everything good ends in disappointment? Or that once the truth of us is revealed, our partner will choose to leave? Does it take the form of an addiction or avoidance of something unsettling? When things are too calm, is this the way we or s/he stirs things up? Is it a learned behavior? A sign of narcissism or some other personality disorder? Could it be the only way the trauma self knows how to exit a compromising situation?
Reality check – prolonged exposure to unsettling circumstances can provoke these lower frequency patterns in any one of us. Bottom line – when we feel vulnerable or unsafe – emotionally, physically, or even financially; when we are being overly submissive or permissive with ourselves or others – we do not think clearly or make grounded choices. Period.
When we are not being honest or are giving too much of ourselves away, we are inviting chaos into our lives. When we convince ourselves that our relationship or circumstances aren’t that bad or could be worse; we refuse to face our fears or conflicts head-on; we allow our partner to do the things we could benefit from doing for ourselves or are willing to tip toe around someone else’s abusive behavior, we become part of the problem.
This is part of how we manifest cheating – either as the cheater or the one whose partner cheats – by accepting the status quo and refusing to challenge or change the parts of ourselves, our partnership or our lives that are below standard. This is how we give the trauma-self free reign or unlimited discretionary power to set the dial to auto-pilot – while our soul begins to wither.
If we were perfectly honest with ourselves, maybe we would admit that our partner is in some ways either reinforcing or picking up the pieces of our broken childhood. Our attraction to an ungrounded partner may be a matter of familiarity, as we realize we have essentially married our alcoholic, narcissistic father, or emotionally absent mother. Strangely, it’s the triggering of our self-limiting beliefs or self-sabotaging behaviors that tethers us to this partner, as we have not yet learned how to survive as a non-victim and reclaim our power in this realm.
Perhaps we have managed to draw in a partner who feels more like a Mother Teresa or a Knight in Shining Armor and gifts back to us structure, consistency, or rules; financial security or self-discipline; an orderly home or life with a level of predictability that simply didn’t exist in our family of origin. It is interesting how often these relationships and scenarios end dramatically or abruptly when your trauma self allows your partner to do for you the things you refuse to learn or do for yourself.
What are Some of the Spiritual Lessons in Cheating?
Whether you have stepped out on your partner, or your partner has stepped out on you, either way – it is a sign you are spiritually asleep at the wheel and have not been living life authentically. Signs and symptoms were ignored or missed within yourself or within the context of your relationship that must now be acknowledged, managed, and overcome.
Spiritual/Emotional Growth
Every life scenario or circumstance, even the darkest things, happens for the purpose of spiritual and emotional growth and evolution – for both you and your partner. Nothing happens by accident. Some of the themes you or your partner may be grappling with include boundary setting, honest communication, self-control, balance, self-respect/love/confidence, financial and emotional independence, greater self-reliance, trusting the intuitive mind, learning to nurture or parent oneself or create a life that brings inner peace, etc. Keep in mind that for many of us, we would not be inspired to change or grow if we had not experienced this kind of rock bottom (and sometimes repeatedly).
Release of Old Energies and Patterns
Those considering divorce, may be facing, for the first time, the concept of impermanence – that over time, everything shifts and changes. In retrospect, perhaps there were signs the marriage was in trouble, yet those signs were ignored. And now the consequences may seem heavy and irreparable. However, one could argue not everyone is necessarily supposed to be with us through every season of our life, including romantic partners. Understanding and accepting this may empower our soul to “level up” and uncover its true path and purpose. Sometimes these kinds of forced wake-up calls are the only way for us to truly uncover the authentic self and test the upper limits of our full potential.
Healthier Relationship with Oneself
It is important to understand that a heathy relationship with someone else begins with having a healthy relationship with yourself. We can easily lose our identity and ignore our own soul’s purpose in life by living in the shadow of someone else or allowing them to steer the ship. This is especially true for those in relationships with narcissists or strong, controlling personality types. Sooner or later, these kinds of short cuts and dependencies begin to create unsatisfactory and suffocating outcomes. If you are someone who has chosen to end a long-term relationship or take a break from a relationship addiction, try spending time alone, making decisions for yourself, and exercising some freedoms you have long since denied yourself. Every small form of self-care and self-expression is a means of reclaiming your power, worthiness, and independence.
I hope this article will inspire in you a desire to see your life through the lens of the spiritual self with greater depth, compassion, and courage. Please send comments and inquiries regarding this article or services to [email protected]
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Master’s level Rehabilitation Counselor, certified Hypnotist, Energy Worker, Humorist, and Recovering Chaos Addict.
I value intuition over formal protocol and textbook explanations; clients over clinicians in identifying the most effective formula for recovery; joy over suffering – as most of the pressure we place on ourselves is simply unnecessary, misguided, and masochistic.
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