There is nothing more sobering than being forced into a relationship with oneself. And no other life event that will trigger such inner stirrings of the mind than a bad break-up.

Self-doubt, fear of abandonment, social anxiety, feeling out of touch with the social scene or dating realm. It’s hard to know which self-limiting belief or fear to address first or what tools or strategies to use to appease a broken heart.

Even the illusion of closeness with an incompatible or emotionally unhealthy partner somehow feels safer than the reality of being alone. Being a couple meant routines, traditions, and perhaps even intimacy; being alone feels more like a chronic condition or an awkward social status that attracts the energy of pity and online dating predators.

Adjustment Phase

Who will love me, comfort me, check-in on me? Who will text me, come home to me, share space with me? These are the thoughts that cross our minds in the early adjustment period. And even more so if the relationship ended abruptly or unpleasantly.

Perhaps you hadn’t ever considered the truth of you outside your marriage or partnership; whether his or her friends were even your kind of people, or what you’d do on your own if s/he wasn’t overly or covertly influencing your thoughts, choices, schedule, routine, activities or entire life.

Who are you on your own? What do you enjoy? How will you manage your time, moods and routines on your own? With whom will you enjoy leisure, downtime, deeper conversations? Who will you call on when you need guidance, support, a compassionate ear?

This adjustment phase or lifestyle reconfiguration is an important time to gift yourself lest you be swallowed up too soon by a another budding romance. This is the opportune time to rediscover the authentic self without outer world distractions.

Recoupling to Soon

Being a “Party of One” in a world obsessed with “Coupling-Up” isn’t an easy path. It is however a worthy path filled with teachable moments and opportunities for growth.

Will you pause to recover and heed the lessons? Or will you cave to the pressure of being “recoupled” before you are truly ready? The reality is most do the latter and deeply regret it.

You could run. You could hide. You could bury yourself in work or become obsessed with online dating, but sooner or later you will run out of palatable or well-timed distractions. Unhealthy distractions are understandably what we crave when we are feeling most vulnerable – like bedtime, weekends, birthdays, holidays.

Whereas suffering, solitude and self-reflection may be fertile ground for saints, seers and gurus seeking Divine attunement, this may feel more like purgatory for many humanoids trapped in a 3-dimensional mindset.

The silence or lack of distraction will feel, at times, torturous – as one’s negative self-talk may be heard more clearly and absorbed more notably in the emotional body.

Your life may now be split between two moods – depression and compulsion or waves of relentless activity (AKA “escapism”).Your head will feel like it has too many tabs open, to distract you from your own cognitive distortions and skewed perceptions.

Breathe, because this is all a normal part of recovering from a bad break-up and searching for a healthier, more healing way to cope with loss.

Hope, Answers & Deep Healing

Best case scenario: the futility of your practices begins to reveal a fundamental spiritual truth: inner peace cannot be solely accessed by the conscious mind.

Your ego may convince you that because you can openly articulate the lessons learned from past romantic entanglements, your work is done. That you are free to move forward emotionally unscathed.  And you can trust your will power to protect you from wrapping your entire being around another’s soul ever again.

Yet unless you are willing to sit naked in the center of your grief and do the deeper work, you will not spiritually or emotionally evolve to a level that frees you from the encumbrances of the trauma self.

Spiritual Survival Tips:

1 – Integrate spiritual practices, like meditation and yoga, into your life daily to release emotional toxins, quiet the mind and attune to a higher frequency energy. If you lack the skills, tools, or discipline, join a group. Being in a spiritual place around spiritual people raises our frequency and reinforces the energy of calmness and confidence into our mind/body.

2 – Resist the urge to fill up your social calendar and dating schedule simply as an exercise to numb the loneliness, pain, and feelings of self-doubt. Be willing to stay home on a night you normally wouldn’t to read, listen to music, or engage an old hobby.

3 – Balance your time and your life by moving into new circles of people who don’t know you solely as “someone’s partner.”

4 – Try going places you ordinarily wouldn’t go by yourself. It’s important to get comfortable spending time with yourself – at home and out in the world.

5 – Develop new platonic friendships or rekindle old ones with people you admire and respect and who have the depth and space for deeper soul connections.

6 – Start to keep a journal of positive inner dialogue and affirmations that you can reflect upon when you are feeling emotionally heavy.

7 – Write a letter to your inner child telling him/her how life moving forward will be more less cumbersome and more fulfilling.

8 – Seek professional help to better understand and extinguish unhealthy relationship patterns. Now is the time to focus on developing a healthy relationship with yourself.


Amy is a hypnotherapist, energy healer, and metaphysical minister/spiritual counselor who specializes in Childhood Trauma Recovery. She has worked in the field of counseling and psychology for over 25 years and has been a featured instructor at Amazon. Her sanctuary for in-person sessions is located in Lake Stevens, WA . Virtual sessions are available worldwide. 

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Amy Marohn
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